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I get more and more nervous as the due date gets closer. It's finally sinking in what I have yet to face. I'm trying not to think about it, but I need to prepare. I have a meeting with Tracy the social worker tomorrow at 10:30am at the hospital. She coordinated a meeting with the head L&D nurse, palliative care and a pediatrician. It will be good for me so I know what to expect and what options I have but I feel it is going to be very hard and a bit of a reality check.

I'm trying to stay busy with other things, trying to make plans to replace what I thought I would be doing. It's hard since I don't know what to expect. I don't know what plans my baby has, docs tell me her diagnosis is fatal but I read about cases about babies with Trisomy 18 surviving for hours, weeks, months, years.. so I just don't know. I don't know...

For now, I managed to finish my master's degree with three As, I'm not sure how I managed that since I got the news right around finals, but I pulled myself together and finished strong. It's good therapy for me to work towards a goal, I can't sit here and think of what could be.... it will drive me crazy.